From the second I picked it up, I had no idea what to expect because from the little I knew about it from Katy's little emotional-therefore-incoherent descriptions. She didn't want to ruin it for me and I thought I will just find out more about it as a go, because that is the essence of reading. The journey. And this journey was unlike any other because it genuinely made me see things through a new lens. One that I have never tried to use before perhaps because I had no idea it existed. Just like my experience, the plot was beautifully unpredictable and new.
I wish I could talk about the little things I loved about it coherently, but I think I might be incapable of that. Despite that, I shall try. Usually I like to go for bullet pointing every little thing I absolutely loved - and in fact I started doing that and then erased it all - because it would simply take ages and ages to list everything I loved, so instead I'm building up from my favorite quotes off the novel.
"I want love to conquer all. But love can't conquer anything. It can't do anything on its own. It relies on us to do the conquering on its behalf."I find this quite upsettingly true. Most pop culture focuses so much on the fact that love is powerful enough to "conquer all" but in reality, it never does. Love is never the last one standing. I'm not quite sure if that's just a pessimistic perspective or pure reality, but that is how I see it. Again. The only word I could quite feel matched the book the most is bittersweet and this concept is just that.
"Kindness connects to who you are, while niceness connects to how you want to be seen."This is the most beautiful trait description I have ever read not because it's so elaborately described with the most creative adjectives but because it is simple and just. so. goddamn. true.
"Some people think mental illness is a matter of mood, a matter of personality. They think depression is simply a form of being sad, that OCD is a form of being uptight. They think the soul is sick, not the body. It is, they believe, something that you have some choice over.
I know how wrong this is.
It's a hard cycle to conquer. The body is working against you. And because of this, you feel even more despair. Which only amplifies the imbalance. It takes uncommon strength to live with these things. But I have seen that strength over and over again."
"The problem is the confinement, the inability to leave. Any time she let it, the weight of living creeps in and starts to drag her down.
Finally. Finally there is a realistic description that speaks honestly about mental illnesses; depression and anxiety specifically. I dont even feel the need to comment about it. It just is.
"I attack my cuticles with merciless precision. It is the only sensation that feels genuine."Ah.
This novel is so beautifully put together. It's a series of open ended stories with infinite possibilities and it makes you realize that we all should be quite - if not unbelievably - grateful to have an almost guaranteed tomorrow, to have a life that builds up and remains constant no matter what takes place over time. Despite the challenges you're still reassured by the one thing that will never change and that is that you will be yourself everyday.
What the novel symbolizes to me though is the fact that some people do not feel like they could be themselves. People that are afraid to get attached because of the fear that it will all go to waste. The fear of everything crashing back down again. The everlasting sensation of being haunted by the possibility of tomorrow when you're already struggling with today.
This post is quite incoherent because I'm still trying to gather my thoughts regarding the book and to be honest, I have never felt so emotionally involved with a book like this before.
Have you read it? Tell me about it?