|Carrying a box of pizza on the way home after new year's - typical.|
Last year I didn't write anything here about the New Year but I remember how it went and I can happily say I'm in a much better place today. So much has happened since, as you'd imagine, things going great and things going really bad, all-nighters trying to get as much work done and weekends of sleeping till the pm and nothing but procrastination, great times with wonderful people and over-rated times with people I felt nothing towards topped up with a whole lot of wonderful books and thoughtful conversations that make you want to take off and learn everything our little earth has to offer.
I like seeing life in the form of little chunks of time, when looking at things retrospectively because I like the concept that it's not always the big picture alone that matters. The big picture would never be of such great detail if the little bits didn't have time and effort and sometimes, just mere acknowledgment invested in them. These little bits of time matter and the new year is just an opportunity to take a break and breathe to be able to wake up the next morning and feel refreshed. I guess I like to see myself as my phone when it's at 2% the night before and I know if I want to use it practically every second of tomorrow morning, I need to let it charge over night and in the morning it's at 100%, ready to be my beloved phone for another long day. That's me, right there. I am my phone and the overnight charge session is new year's. I wake up thinking, well hm let's do this, again but do it better.
I guess I'm a very goal-oriented person and I need to feel like I'm accomplishing things in order to be content with myself and I remember this one piece of advice my best friend Katy used to give me when I was up to my head in stress and workload and that is setting checklists for every little thing I want to accomplish wether it be waking up, washing my face, getting my things sorted, making tea, starting with this one corner of art coursework and so on. And that has really helped me and changed the way I go about things. I already know I have a habit of biting off more than I can chew, but at least now I can manage the crazy amount I'm stuck with and slowly try to break it down until it's all done. I cherish that piece of advice though because I've been trying to apply it to everything. Take things one small step at a time and reward yourself for doing things, no matter how small, because you're still human and you need a break and no, you can't do everything by yourself and no, it's not weakness to not be able to handle everything and it's okay to get rid of commitments that drive you insane and that aren't worth the stress. It has taught me to put myself and my wellbeing first. Because if I don't then those responsibilities wont be fulfilled anyways because I won't be okay enough to manage to do them in the first place.
All in all, though I'm happy about where I am right now. I'm making decisions for myself and trying my absolute hardest with things I want to invest my time into and I know that when things get hella stressful, which they will inevitably as this is my junior year and all that AS level and uni business is bound to pile up, at least I will be able to break it down, breathe and fake it till I make it. My focus this year is on my priorities because I know that I need to set goals for myself and take my environmental and social factors out of it until I figure out what I want because I'm the one who's going to be here for myself at all times, and surprisingly, for the first time ever, it feels comforting to say that. I will stand by my priorities and make my goals reality and just have fun with it all. I'm not going to be stopped by my expectations of things or frustrated at the amount of opportunities or freedom I have available because that's pointless but I'll know when to push the boundaries and when to just take it as it comes. I guess I'll just aim to make this year better than the past one (inshallah, haha) and enjoy my few hours of transition period, because come on, the 31st isn't even a day to me, it's just reflective grey area!
Hope y'all have a wonderful new year and aren't setting goals you only think you want. What matters is to think about where you are now, how far you've come and what you want, not outlining exactly how many times you plan on going to the gym or how many calories you plan on cutting out of your diet. Basically, just have a brilliant time with it all and 2015 will be chill as ✌