Showing posts with label book. Show all posts
Showing posts with label book. Show all posts

Monday, 30 December 2013

Lana Del Rey ♔ American Dreams & Marilyn Monroe



I got into Lana's work a while before she hit the whole 'mainstream' scene of the industry, which sounds very pseudo-hipster of me, but my point is, I got some time to truly lavish myself with every little beautiful image she instilled within me with her descriptions. She gave everything the opportunity to be beautiful, the potential to be glamorous, the moment of appreciation it deserved. I feel like she's a great part of why I became so interested in documenting moments that possessed some strange sense of magic to me. Music or poetry or just words in general have two values, one that the writer believes her work is worth and the other is on the other end of the chain; the receiver. Sometimes people are confused by my love for analyzing pieces of text or poetry or in this case, Lana's seemingly solemn and melancholic music. And I love that, for some reason.

It's almost electrifying to be able to delve into the ideas of the lie of the American dream, her wild, playful, sometimes almost Lolita-esque stories of school and friendships and what she conceived to be love. To be able to sit in the pitch darkness of my room in our new house in Morocco over summer and almost transport myself into her world and her life through her lyrics. That place was new to me and it was a walk's distance from the beach with the trees giving it a very Californian feel, so the association I made between her poetry and the location led me into living this technicolor dream for the month or two I was there. I was more content daydreaming up the most opulent events, moments, scenes, memories.

Lana's music is a huge contribution to the way I'm starting to want to visually represent things a lot more, recently, rather than just write about them. There's a great amount of beauty in words, that's unquestionable, but sometimes I want to see the image in my head of being drenched in sunlight actually physically recreated or reenacted. I want to feel it all come to life, for it to stun me with the way it turns out to be, because it will never be just the way I imagined it and there is some sense of allure in that. I want to be able to step into my own fantasy quite literally. Her pure essence and the vintage flare of all her audiovisuals creates these short films in my head that are always playing everytime I listen to her music.

It's a new experience for me because music was never quite this surreal. I had always loved it, but my sacred experience had always been with books. Books were what spurred that desire to spend my life in someone else's head for a while. To adapt a new character and see things through their eyes because they've showed me something I had never seen before, and that mesmerizes me. I love being exposed to a new way of looking at anything because that keeps life vibrant and exciting and more than just this quest to get through it alive. It was about the journey and not the destination, so why not make the best out of the journey while we're here.

In addition to the inspiration and imagery I get from her words, I love that the lyrics are the focus of her music. The instruments are simply accompanying her vocals, complimenting them even. Also, her music is a collection of anecdotes. It's not how profound her sentence structure is, it's what I make of it and how it makes me feel and what thoughts it brings along with it, after all that's all that matters to me. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and so is meaning.

What also influences how I feel about her music are the themes she talks about and portrays, like the concepts of innocence and purity, respect and poise, youth and recklessness, icons and romanticism, beauty and perishing, obsession and addiction, wealth and notoriety. Which is a collection of everything that captivates me because she's not a put-together, flawless persona, she created the character of Lana del Rey to be able to tell any story she wanted to tell and live the life she fantasized about even if it was just temporarily through her music and its theatrical touch. And there is something evocative about that.





What got me to write this was the fact that I was watching a documentary about Marilyn Monroe and they included the clip of her singing Happy Birthday to JFK. That reminded me of Lana's 'National Anthem' and how her concept for the video is the exploration of the loss of innocence, this idea that what seemed perfect from the outside was maybe rotting from the inside; such as the triangle of MM, Jackie O and Jack Kennedy. The video built up on that archetype and the director of the video, Anthony Mandler, said that it wasn't a recreation of the death scene, "it was always about the person sitting next to him. It was always about seeing it through her eyes, seeing this kind of castle crumble in the moment and the pain in her eyes, that destruction"



And I love the way she brings back the pop culture of 1950s and '60s Americana along with stylizing her musical sound as 'Hollywood sadcore' and how it was 'movie music with a fairy-dusting of harp and an ominous timpani laid out over-top a hip hop vocal cadence.' It sounds beautiful and with the aesthetics being almost as equally important as the music, it looks beautiful too.

Elizabeth Grant as Lana del Rey as Marilyn Monroe

as Jackie Kennedy







☾☾☾☽☽☽

I just felt the urge to explain what it is I love about Lana's music because many people see her as very sombre and funereal or very shallow and repetitive when her music and words' value is all up to the listener to decide. You can make it mean so much more, and I guess I get a thrill out of doing that.




Friday, 27 December 2013

✮ One Day ✮


"You can live your whole life not realizing that what you're looking for is right in front of you.

15th July 1988. Emma and Dexter meet on the night of their graduation. Tomorrow they must go their separate ways. So where will they be on this one day next year? And the year after that? And every year that follows?"

I picked up One Day expecting it to be a typical type of love story, but at W.H. Smith, I started reading it because I had seen it around so often and wanted to know what it was all about and why it was everywhere I turned. The first few pages captivated me so much and just like one of the review comments on the back cover said - by the time I finished it - I was left with "the hallucinatory feeling that they've become as well known to (me) as (my) closest friends" 

There are so many moments that made me feel all sorts of things in this book, especially that Emma and Dexter's friendship intrigued me so much. They had stayed in touch for 20 years but it wasn't as simple as it sounded. It wasn't a cliché and it was so damn difficult sometimes along the way. They both led separate lives, met new people, had different plans for how they wanted their life to turn out but still everything they had going for them felt like it was missing something and that was each other.

I love that they're not two characters that you just know would click together. They're very different and don't agree on much. Dexter was the life of the party and he had an aesthetic idea of a lifestyle that he wanted to have. "He wanted to live life in such a way that if a photograph were taken at random, it would be a cool photograph." And I feel like that especially links very well with the way most of us are these days. I feel this urge to record things and I want to make my life into a work of art because that's such a fascinating concept. How you could make everything mean something without anybody telling you that's wrong or that's not how it should be done because there is no set way on how it should be done. On the other hand Emma has similar ideals when it comes to changing the world but she's also the introverted, feminist and human rights activist who loves politics and once called Dexter's dad a fascist over dinner. They're such an odd combination but they work. I don't know how but they do.

The book also shows the harsh reality many people learn to come to terms with and that's the way everyone changes as they grow older. 

"No, this, she felt, was real life and if she wasn't as curious or as passionate as she had once been, that was only to be expected. It would be inappropriate, undignified at thirty-eight, to conduct friendships or love affairs with the ardour and intensity of a twenty-two-year-old. Falling in love like that? Writing poetry, crying at pop songs? Dragging people into photo-booths, taking a whole day to make a compilation tape, asking people if they wanted to share your bed, just for company? If you quoted Bob Dylan or T.S. Eliot or, God forbid, Brecht at someone these days they would smile politely and step quietly backwards, and who would blame them? Ridiculous, at thirty-eight, to expect a song or book or film to change your life."

"Finally, she loved someone and felt fairly confident that she was loved in return. If someone asked Emma as they sometimes did at parties, how she and [Dexter] met, she told them:

"We grew up together"

I can't imagine what that would feel like. To have the luxury to say that somebody whom you're still very close to was someone you grew up with. You've known for so long and still they haven't gotten sick of you. They had options, they went out and saw the world and travelled but they came back to you. And not just for the "lack of a better alternative" but because they realized that you are what they want or need. That's just fuxking wonderful. My psychology teacher once said something during a psychology tester session and it was along the lines of the fact that the majority of the friends we have now are only our friends because they happen to be there; we see them regularly either at school or at work and that leads us to thinking that we actually get along with these people. 

But I had a few problems with that. Sure, some people I think I'm friends with now, I wouldn't be friends with if I had a wide selection of a choice, but I don't. You never have your pick from the whole world, you choose your friends out of the people you know at a certain time in your life when you live in a certain place, so your selection is the people around you. But the fact that if somebody had the chance to travel the world and meet many people from all sorts of cultural backgrounds and then come back to someone they met before they had seen all that and still feel the same way about them, there's definitely something there. 

I'm struggling with summing up this goddamn point and I don't know why, the word arrangement in my head is just not cooperating with me right now.

But in context of the book, Emma and Dexter go on to lead their separate lives after they first meet each other and I feel like Emma expressed that feeling of happiness and frustration best here:

"And then she frowned, and shook her head, then put her arms around him once more, pressing her face into his shoulder, making a noise that sounded almost like rage.
'What's up?' he asked.
'Nothing. Oh, nothing. Just...' She looked up at him. 'I thought I'd finally got rid of you.'
'I don't think you can.' he said"

Their feelings towards each other had only gotten stronger over time and just when she thought she had finally got him out of her head and found someone else whom she was more content being with, he came along and unlocked the drawer of thoughts that she had locked up after it had seemed to her that they were definitely not going to end up together. After all, what were the odds?

And lastly, I felt like this one line described an entire mental and emotional state that I've encountered so much but was never quite able to phrase it right:

"The moment held a kind of glorious confusion."

Ah, this book was definitely a mini milestone and I know I'm going to come back to it a lot more in the future because it feels timeless. It's not a storyline with one specific and identified conflict, it's life, and that's just one mix of conflicts and moments and memories and ah. I loved it. 

Sunday, 14 July 2013

Oh Wilde, you're so witty!

I recently bought "The Picture of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde after reading tons of Wilde's poems, I thought this would definitely be worth the read. At first, Oscar Wilde's clearly one of those people who has something intelligent to say about almost everything and in all honesty, he's wonderful at it and I've got tons of my favorite quotes off him written down everywhere. But there's something I'm noticing about this novel in particular, and that is Harry or Lord Henry, the smartass and the source of all bad (?) influences so far in the novel.

At first he's wise and you think "well wow, this guy's definitely worth re-reading to completely understand what he's talking about" and it's wonderful because he says more than enough. Then that exactly becomes the issue I have with him. He talks too goddamn much. It feels like Oscar's trying so hard to channel his "wiseness" into a character and thinks he doesn't have enough time therefore being obliged to stuff all his "genius" into paragraphs and paragraphs of dialogue that begin by contributing very intelligently and developing into "Oh god, stop, we get it. You are so damn marvelous; narcissism is literally oozing out of every crevice of your body."

Usually I'll add here a "Oh maybe I'm just exaggerating and really passionate about this" but woah-ho, I'm not going to, because I'm only on page 63 and he's giving me a headache. But I have such mixed feelings it's frustrating me. I want to write down and debate and disagree with everything he says but it's still so well phrased, memorable and most definitely worth noting down. So, question to self, do I want him to shut up or do I want the opportunity to stop him every once in a while and unlike Dorian (the main fascination of every damn character) not be overwhelmed and impressed after every statement and more like Basil (the other guy) tell him he's wrong because ah…sometimes he's so wrong that I put down the book and internally screech then roll into a ball of frustration and irritation.

One of the things that irritated me was when Dorian says that a woman he's interested in is genius and he responds with, "My dear boy, no woman is a genius. Women are a decorative sex. They never have anything to say but they say it charmingly"

sigh

First, I have an issue with condescending starters like "My dear boy". No. Stop.

And second, I hope Oscar intended for this character to be a total douchebag and that he himself isn't one. I'm bordering on uncertainty of wether Oscar's narcissism has taken over 110% of his being or if it's just a façade to make him appear controversial and fascinating and oh-so-notorious.

But despite his douchebaggery ways, somethings Basil says when he describes Dorian really resonate with me and I feel like I see a lot of myself in the Basil we meet at the start (I say that because I haven't read enough to see if his character changes as the book progresses). My favorites would be:

"When I like people immensely I never tell their names to anyone. It is like surrendering a part of them. I have grown to love secrecy. It seems to be the one thing that can make modern life mysterious or marvelous to us. The commonest thing is delightful if one only hides it." 
"Dorian Gray is to me simply a motive in art. You might see nothing in him, I see everything in him." 
"Of course I flatter him dreadfully. I find a strange pleasure in saying things to him that I know I shall be sorry for having said. As a rule, he is charming to me, and we sit in the studio and talk of a thousand things. Then I feel that I have given away my whole soul to someone who treats it as if it were a flower to put in his coat, a bit of decoration to charm his vanity."


I wish I could go in depth with this but it feels too personal to type up when I can't even think it through properly yet because it's confusing and far too coincidental with the book and the characters…It also brings a slight curiosity with a pinch of fear to my thoughts when it comes to the way Basil sees Dorian and the way Dorian actually is. And I think, is it ever possible for someone to accurately match your thoughts of them no matter how romanticized they are? I mean is there a possibility that someone actually possesses that charm that is actually there? Or is this just dependent on the person's feelings about that person? Are people ever fascinating or is it just the way we see them that glorifies them too much.

Ah too many of the same speculations rewritten in different ways, I'm sorry if I repeated myself but that paragraph was just mind vomit.

I will definitely write more about this but I don't quite have the time and the mental clarity to continue right now. I'm caught between hoping I'm not the only one who sees it this way and hoping it's also a very personal and private angle of looking at it. The one thing I'm sure of right now is I hope the lovely coincidences I have to this book are the only ones present and not the disappointments because ah.

How horrible is to romanticize someone only to realize they're nothing of what you marvel over… or at least not enough of it.

Ah I'm confusing myself now. Well oops.

Saturday, 15 June 2013

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Before you read this post - if you can focus on reading while music's playing, click right here to transport yourself through time and play "Asleep". You'll get some vibes straightaway.

Now that's playing. See how different everything is? I have a weird bond with the link of music to pieces of text or novels in general and the fact that this book in particular is so strongly linked to music from the time period that intrigues me the most, it's an exciting experience. The whole book changed so much in my head but I can't even put my finger on what exactly fascinated me about it. Considering it's a relatively short book in comparison to the majority of books I read, it feels especially elongated in my mind. All the characters seem to have lived in my head long before I've read the book, and even long after the last page unfortunately (or fortunately) came to an end.

I read the book quite a long time ago. I remember being exposed to it when I was around 12 I think (And I'm 15 now so that's not "quite a long time ago" but to me, it feels like too much has changed unfortunately (fortunately?)) and it struck many chords. It planted new thoughts in my head and helped others grow and I felt like it was my secret. My little guide to everything written by a group of people that I've grown to love and know so, so well.

And every year since, I would read it. It became almost like a traditional ritual that I couldn't miss. Often I would pick it up whenever I feel like I need a lift or a reminder that life is a lot more than what it seems to be. Things do change and I wish I could describe what I learned from that book but I can't. All I know is that every time I read it, I felt like I was being drowned into waters that made drowning the most beautiful possibility I could imagine. I felt like little pieces of me were being torn out and lent to Charlie to write down all his letters on and given back to me, to keep. And I loved every painful moment of it.

I think...that what made the book so special to me was Charlie. Sam and Patrick had unbelievable effects on me and I know naturally the reader would sympathize and empathize with the protagonist but that wasn't the reason Charlie became one of the most important people to me. He was vulnerable, very and most people didn't even realize it because he worked so hard to hide it really well. I don't know if you often see yourself in characters and then subconsciously feel this meaningful yet irrational connection to them? I'm not quite sure what it is. But it's something.

Charlie taught me that it was okay so analyze everything. Despite him feeling obligated to participate, at the time I read the book I was constantly participating and having to shut down every little moment of analysis that I absolutely marveled over but never had the chance to enjoy. There was always something I had to be doing and that had to be done right. And all expectations - mainly academic and if family related were about the academic life I was willingly agreeing to because of my instinctual perfectionism - were screaming to get done and get done right. So the moments I enjoyed most, I didn't get enough taste of and this book, for the few hours I escaped to read it gave me a chance to just think of the seemingly great mysteries of everything, no matter how mundane it may seem to the average person.

Charlie begins his story, no actually he begins telling us about this small part of his story by saying that all the names are pseudonyms and many have jumped to assuming he was the 'unreliable narrator' and claim that perhaps you can't believe anything Charlie says after that. But this most definitely was not an English assignment to me. This was a human being who may have lived miles away from me but he was there and he was feeling these things and he was living and he happened to share this little piece of his life with me. I wasn't about to question his goddamn intentions. I loved Charlie and that is all that mattered.

Charlie has so much going on inside his mind. He's always thinking about everything and often finds it hard to suppress everything, because let's face it; that is tremendously hard. And he tries. He tries to the point where it brings me to tears. And wether it's my first read of the book or the 21st, it always does that to me. To know that he just wants to forget. He just wants to be happy and he finds those few moments of infinity when he's around Sam and Patrick because they opened his eyes to more, they made him feel like he belonged, made him feel like less of a bystander and more of a friend. And that means so much to him. They made him forget and he appreciated every minute of it. And that just brought the worst sadness down on me, like he was someone so close to me yet I was so distant to him, out of reach and couldn't be there to reassure him or just simply make him forget, even if it's just for a few seconds.

I've never spoken this much about this, mainly because i. most of the people I would tell would assume I'm overanalyzing the book as a whole and ii. I can never seem to get these words out loud. I can't organize them in my head and I feel like no one will get the full image of what I'm trying to explain but merely one hazy glimpse at the entire chaotic artwork in my head. But I have written about it so much that every time I type out his name, the bond feels like it's tightening.

I hope you got more than the hazy glimpse.

Love,
Hiba







Thursday, 6 June 2013

150+ Book Giveaway :)

Live to Read

Thought you all would be interested in joining because hey, 150+ books okay? :')

Tuesday, 4 June 2013

✐ Every Day - David Levithan ✐

Every Day by David Levithan is best described in one word. Bittersweet.


As you know, I recently got this book from my best friend Katy who has read it and thought that I would really enjoy the book and to be honest, she was absolutely 900% right, because I didn't just enjoy it, I completely and wholeheartedly fell in love with it.

From the second I picked it up, I had no idea what to expect because from the little I knew about it from Katy's little emotional-therefore-incoherent descriptions. She didn't want to ruin it for me and I thought I will just find out more about it as a go, because that is the essence of reading. The journey. And this journey was unlike any other because it genuinely made me see things through a new lens. One that I have never tried to use before perhaps because I had no idea it existed. Just like my experience, the plot was beautifully unpredictable and new.

I wish I could talk about the little things I loved about it coherently, but I think I might be incapable of that. Despite that, I shall try. Usually I like to go for bullet pointing every little thing I absolutely loved - and in fact I started doing that and then erased it all - because it would simply take ages and ages to list everything I loved, so instead I'm building up from my favorite quotes off the novel.

"I want love to conquer all. But love can't conquer anything. It can't do anything on its own. It relies on us to do the conquering on its behalf."
I find this quite upsettingly true. Most pop culture focuses so much on the fact that love is powerful enough to "conquer all" but in reality, it never does. Love is never the last one standing. I'm not quite sure if that's just a pessimistic perspective or pure reality, but that is how I see it. Again. The only word I could quite feel matched the book the most is bittersweet and this concept is just that.
"Kindness connects to who you are, while niceness connects to how you want to be seen."
This is the most beautiful trait description I have ever read not because it's so elaborately described with the most creative adjectives but because it is simple and just. so. goddamn. true. 
"Some people think mental illness is a matter of mood, a matter of personality. They think depression is simply a form of being sad, that OCD is a form of being uptight. They think the soul is sick, not the body. It is, they believe, something that you have some choice over. 
I know how wrong this is. 
It's a hard cycle to conquer. The body is working against you. And because of this, you feel even more despair. Which only amplifies the imbalance. It takes uncommon strength to live with these things. But I have seen that strength over and over again."
"The problem is the confinement, the inability to leave. Any time she let it, the weight of living creeps in and starts to drag her down.

Finally. Finally there is a realistic description that speaks honestly about mental illnesses; depression and anxiety specifically. I dont even feel the need to comment about it. It just is.
"I attack my cuticles with merciless precision. It is the only sensation that feels genuine."
Ah.

This novel is so beautifully put together. It's a series of open ended stories with infinite possibilities and it makes you realize that we all should be quite - if not unbelievably - grateful to have an almost guaranteed tomorrow, to have a life that builds up and remains constant no matter what takes place over time. Despite the challenges you're still reassured by the one thing that will never change and that is that you will be yourself everyday.

What the novel symbolizes to me though is the fact that some people do not feel like they could be themselves. People that are afraid to get attached because of the fear that it will all go to waste. The fear of everything crashing back down again. The everlasting sensation of being haunted by the possibility of tomorrow when you're already struggling with today.

This post is quite incoherent because I'm still trying to gather my thoughts regarding the book and to be honest, I have never felt so emotionally involved with a book like this before.

Have you read it? Tell me about it?




Thursday, 9 May 2013

❀ Lovely Surprises ❀

The lovely Katy decided to get me "Every Day" by David Levithan for no particular reason because she is the most perfect, lovely human being ever. Ah, I'm an emotional wreck because; 

a. Her little notes on the wrapping paper and the inside of the book are just wow. 



b. She wrapped it herself. Aww.
c. The book is wonderfully wonderful.

I don't know why I'm telling you this, but it was just unbelievably sweet and I couldn't contain it.
Thank you, Katy x

Thursday, 25 April 2013

♡♀ Rookie Yearbook One ♀♡

IT'S HERE!

My copy of Rookie Yearbook One showed up in the mail today and I couldn't be more excited (aside from that time my John Green autographed book set arrived. I think I almost had a heart attack. Seriously.)

I flicked through it and every expectation I had has been surpassed. It is literally pages and pages of articles about everything that could possibly matter to me in this point in life. And unlike most books this type - like the scrapbook type, that are just filled with pictures and doodles and the writing is in font size 50 just to fill up as many pages - Rookie on the other hand has a super small font size and the articles are columns and columns. Can you imagine how excited I am to read this, goddamn it!

I tried to start it but I'm sitting in the living room, the TV's on and everyone's talking, so I felt like the atmosphere wasn't appropriate for the perfection of this book. Am I exaggerating? I think not.

The book comes with;

a sticker page with stickers of everything I could possibly want. Why didn't they add 10 more of these, because I'm going to end up not using them ever and regretting it if I ever do!


& a Flexi-disc of "Rookie Tunes" 
wow. wow. wow.


I'm going to read through it and then most definitely write about it afterwards, because it is honestly everything I could ever want in a book. It's the product of clearly evident hard work, filled up with doodles, "amateur" (when actually I just mean different and beautiful in a very peculiar way) photo shoots and playlists for every feeling or situation, ever.

Definitely worth a buy, if you're interested in the "alternative" pop culture, the history and beginnings of things like "Riot Grrrl", shows like My So-Called Life (I got so emotional when I saw a little picture of Jordan Catalano and Angela at the bottom of one of the pages. Excuse my raging emotions)

I'm very happy that there is something for a different category of the general demographic of teenage girls. Finally something that contains all my interests encompassed into a masterpiece. Wow. 4 for you Tavi (& fellow writers). You go Glen Coco. 


Monday, 22 April 2013

The Lisbon Sisters - ☾Characters I'd Love To Meet☽


The Virgin Suicides is a film based on the 1993 debut novel by Jeffrey Eugenides. What I find so fascinating about the movie as a whole is the secrecy. It's this little enclosed and conservative world that naturally appeals to outsiders because all they crave is to find out more. The film revolves around this strange yet exciting obsession a group of high school boys have for these 5 daughters of a traditional Catholic family in the 1970s. 

Concisely, the film's a cinematic and aesthetically beautiful glimpse at the enigmas of the firmament that is femininity and the narration flows fluently throughout while placing the audience in the same curious and inquisitive position as the dumbfounded and frustrated boys of the neighborhood making you partners in attempt to unveil this transcendent mystery.

And surprisingly - but not really - what I find most captivating are indeed the Lisbon sisters.


Cecilia Lisbon
13 years old



We don't get enough of Cecilia, and even though I would've loved to find out more about her I think that feeling's invoked purely because we don't get enough about her. She appears to be quiet and mystical and is seen as the black sheep by her family. She's very detached and distant and is always seen in a loose fitting 1920s wedding gown. In her diary which they later discover after her death, Cecilia is still quite reserved. I realize that her diary was implied to be her little sanctuary of honesty but to me, I could see a lot more of her hidden behind the poetry and vacant descriptions of the times she spent with her sisters. Perhaps it's because she doesn't even know there is another side. Maybe she just grew to living behind the mask. 

Lux Lisbon
14 years old



Lux is the centre of attention and the second youngest of the Lisbon girls. She's wry, mischievous, daring and eventually revealed as promiscuous, but honestly, who was surprised? Lux is the embodiment of the characteristics the boys desire about the girls. Despite her actions that suggest a self-destructive tendency, she appears to be deliberately messing with the poor boys, leaving them wondering about her true incentives and schemes. 


A huge factor of my love for her is her reaction to Cecilia's death. And that is nothing. No one's able to fathom the depths of her thoughts on her sister's death and this shows her ability to disguise her true feelings and hide behind the promiscuous and rebellious façade of reckless licentiousness. Despite their image as a single-entity, Lux's individuality strikes everyone around her as she "bravely" ventures into the forbidden world of taboos. In my eyes, she's the most human of the sisters, perhaps not just because of her mistakes but because of the fact that they're revealed to us in contrast to the very little detail we get about the other girls. 


The rest of the Lisbon sisters; Mary, Bonnie & Therese are barely explored throughout the movie which is quite unfortunate, because I would love to find out more about the rest of the girls. Their views and feelings towards Lux's actions, towards Cecilia's suicide..a lot could've been discovered but I guess it's left up to my imagination.

And honestly, I don't mind that one little bit.



My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations


“Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book.”
- John Green
My story with "The Fault in Our Stars" is quite average but my connection with it goes a lot further than that. I first discovered it through John Green's YouTube videos, being a Nerdfighter for quite a while now, I felt absolutely obliged to read his creations. Not because I wouldnt be considered a "real Nerdfighter" if I didn't do so but because I just couldn't imagine what brilliant words that man could've come up with. And boy, was I right. Because I was in awe after every word. (No exaggeration there..it was genuinely a beautiful experience) but anyways, back to my story, more about my feels later.

I remember carrying my book around school for a day or two without its "dust jacket" so it looked quite mysterious with its fully black cover and as I replied to people's expected questions "Oh what book is that?" and "What is it about?" I noticed a pattern in some of their responses. A bored "Oh" - after I say that it's about a girl who has cancer - that screams "oh my god, I'm not even interested" and it's upsetting but satisfying at the same time.

Upsetting because I can't imagine people are voluntarily missing out on such a wonderful experience and reality check opportunity.

“Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book.”

Satisfying because I feel like that experience is my little secret, despite the thousands of people that have read it.. I don't think I could've said it better than the creator of this experience itself; 

“Books so special and rare and yours, that advertising your affection feels like a betrayal.”

Today I finally decided to sit down and finish it to the very last page. And so I did.

First of all, I'd like to thank John Green for creating a powerful female character. Hazel Grace is your average angst-filled teenage girl but at the same time she's intelligent and philosophical although she appears to be the type that would deny any accusations of that.

Augustus Waters, on the other hand, is the embodiment of philosophical theories. Time doesn't go by without him spewing out a very much appreciated and thoughtful comment that makes you want to put the book down, walk out of your own life and just reconsider every decision you have ever made. (Exaggeration? I think not) Especially;

"My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations."

Which basically summarizes my entire existence in an intelligent sentence instead of blaming it on the Alexithymia. I don't think I have ever wanted to meet and get to know a character as much as I have Augustus.

I'd like to congratulate John Green on making me rethink my outlook on life as a whole. This book has made me see that there was no point "denying myself the simple pleasures" of life. It has made me want to read more, to write more. And most importantly, to think more.

So, conclusively, thank you John Green for this beautiful masterpiece.
(I apologize if this is all over the place. I am still helplessly "fangirling" over it)

P.S: I wrote this post for an old blog a while ago and since then I've probably reread this book 20 times.